You've seen the Facebook posts:
"I can't wait to get snowed in with my sweet little people!"
"I'm so excited to spend the next couple days snuggling my kiddos in the warm house while the snow piles up outside!"
"Getting everyone bundled up to go play in the snow! Fun, fun, fun!"
I, too, may have posted something similar when we had our first big snow forecasted at the beginning of the season.
Year after year I get excited about that first big snow. In my head, despite years of experience with Ohio winters, it is going to be a couple days of shear domestic bliss. My kids and I will snuggle in our jammies, bake some delicious treats, make crafts, make snow angels, take naps and make a scrumptious, hot dinner to enjoy with Daddy when he gets home from work and out of the cold. Yes, in my head this is going to be an amazing time. It looks a little something like a scene from...I don't know...some kind of idyllic domestic winter catalog.
Day one is fine. Day two I start getting the itch to get out. Day three it becomes more dangerous for everyone to stay in the house for another day than to brave the negative temperatures and slippery roads. Nothing is working out like my winter dreams. Let's start with the snuggling in pajamas, shall we?
Yes, we are in our pajamas. As a matter of fact we've BEEN in our pajamas for the better part of a week now. Sounds great, right? Wrong. There is something about wearing real clothing that makes us feel human. Wearing pajamas for more than three consecutive days makes us nothing more than bears or alligators with cable. I feel it and my two toddlers feel it. And like bears and alligators, my toddlers, wearing now crusted-on pajamas, are not much for the cuddling I had imagined we would do. They much prefer to spend their time turning toy grocery carts on their sides and using them as a chair, climbing on their plastic table and chairs, pulling cords out of the electrical sockets and creating overall mayhem. As I type this, I can see my one year old daughter sneaking behind the chair toward said electrical outlet to unplug said cord. If I attempt to hold one of them and cuddle in the rocking chair, it is only moments before she arches her back and slides herself off my lap like an Acme cartoon character who flattens himself to sneak under a door.
Alright, the cuddling didn't work, so let's move on to those crafts! Let me just check my Pinterest boards for "crafts for 1 and 2 year olds." Lots of results. I'll see if I have the things I need for them to do any of these crafts: Pipe cleaners, pom poms, popsicle sticks (colored and plain), a strangely large supply of empty toilet paper rolls? No, no, no (no and no), no. That's okay. I'm resourceful. Let's do stickers. I offer this up and my two year old goes crazy with excitement! Yay! This should keep her happy, busy and not watching TV for a while. And it does if by "a while" you mean seven minutes. I spend those seven minutes pulling the stickers off the sheets because she can't do it herself. She becomes impatient as I am not removing the stickers fast enough for her. My one year old is eating the stickers. We'll move on to coloring. This occupies the two year old for 3 minutes. The one year old is eating the crayons. Play-Doh. This works to keep the 2 year old happy for a near 15 minutes! The one year old is eating the Play-Doh. I figure she's hungry and give her a string cheese. She is angry I am not allowing her to eat the Play-Doh. The two year old is now finished with the Play-Doh portion of today's itinerary and we move on to lunch.
Lunch. Nap. Clean up lunch, complete miscellaneous tasks that surprisingly still have to be done even though we are snowed in. Nap is over. Snack. Hey, let's go outside and play in the snow! Genius. I pat myself on the back for being an amazing mom.
I'm tired before I even begin describe the debacle that is taking two toddlers outside to play in the snow. But playing in the snow is like a rite of passage and great joy for children so I do it.
I go to the closet to get: warm pants, warm shirts, winter coats, winter hats, mittens, and snow boots. Better change diapers before we get outside. Change diapers. Begin dressing/wrestling one child, (my oldest is so excited that she tries to go out naked), grab second child who has now pooped in her clean diaper. Change diaper again. Dress/wrestle her. Now I'm sweaty but I will need to put on my coat, gloves, hat and shoes. Children impatiently whine to go outside while I take entirely too long to put on my shoes. Now we are out the door.
The girls ooh and ahh at the snow but don't dare touch it. They stand looking at it and poking the toe of their boots in the snow but refuse to touch it. I try to encourage them to feel it or make a snow ball or anything. Other than my youngest bending down to lick one small patch of ice on our salted drive way, its no dice. I think they must not be interested so I suggest going in but I get an immediate and emphatic "No!" Okay, we'll just stand here. But after a while I notice my hands and feet are tingling and I figure I better get the girls inside before frostbite settles in. I tell them it is time to go in and the melt down ensues. My two year old begins screaming 'no' with frozen tears running down her face which is now as red as Satan's and she has sprouted horns. I am certain my neighbors are looking out their frosted windows and wondering why I am such an awful mother. Probably a bad childhood or maybe a chemical imbalance but either way they are going to call Child Protective Services on me. I grab my youngest and she uses her baby superpowers to turn her body into a garbage bag filled with jelly wearing a puffy pink coat. I put her under my left arm, take her sister by the hand with my right and miraculously and calmly wrangle them inside. The fun and crying continue as I proceed to undress them inside. My oldest repeatedly yelling through snot and tears that she wants to "stay here! stay here!" The youngest has thrown her body to the ground in protest of the warmth of the house.
Remember that baking and cooking I had planned? FOR.GET.IT. I turn on the TV, handout sippy cups and Goldfish Crackers. Sandwiches for dinner. Sorry, honey.
Repeat it all tomorrow.
Is it Spring yet?
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