Seriously, bring me a hot burrito and a diet coke. Oh yeah. Right there...next to my iPhone. Do we have tortilla chips?
Have you ever enjoyed a meal with toddlers? No. Of course you haven't. They do not allow that. It's against toddler law. If you're with them all day you get the pleasure of not enjoying all of your "meals," with them when dinner would be enough torture. But dinner is special. Dinner is when my husband is home too and I actually set a table, serve things that are hot (usually) and not in the shape of dinosaurs (usually). It's a time when I think we are going to all sit down to eat and talk about the day despite my three-plus years of experience telling me otherwise. I know it will go miserably. There is yelling, crying, running, negotiation, and protests. It's a regular suburban war zone run by 26-pound war lords. If you, the parent, are hungry you better scarf down enough of that cold plate of tacos to get through the next two hours until bed time and be happy with that.
It's clean up, story and bath time. Then you watch the clock and rationalize that your half a taco has worn off and 7:39 is close enough to 8:00.You turn off Jeopardy (educational family television) and announce, "alright! Bedtime! March upstairs!" You get everyone tucked in, read to, prayed with and hydrated with another "glass of wa-wer." Close the door and you're HOME FREEEE!
You skip happily downstairs and walk into your kitchen which magically transformed into Willy Wonka's room of candy while you were upstairs. Oh the possibilities! There's the dinner's left overs aka Second dinner! Peanut butter and jelly or sugary cereal you won't have to share with anyone! Cheese and crackers! Ice cream? Is there ice cream in the freezer? No. Damn it! Maybe You'll eat a healthy snack like yogurt and a banana. "You don't know, I could do that one day! YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!" Maybe you'll just vacilate between standing in front of the pantry and refrigerator shoving alternate handfuls of dry cereal and shredded cheese in your face. But whatever you choose, you are in charge of this moment and not any three foot tall wannabe spoiled rock star demanding fruit snacks minus the green ones or demanding a drink of your water and then leaving floaters in it. You're a grown up. Own it. Live.it.up.
By the time you have polished off that bag of tortilla chips, (it was almost empty anyway, don't beat yourself up), and checked in with all your friends on Facebook who are also shoveling sweet freedom into their pie holes after bedtime, it's almost 9:30. What are you doing up this late anyway? Be responsible! So you clean up the kitchen and the evidence of your nightly bender and go to bed. Make sure to brush your teeth. The dictators will be up in 8 hours and will be able to smell the tortilla chips on your breath.
